Belief, Skepticism, and the Boundaries of the Mind

By K. Conklin, 2025

Grief has a way of breaking open the boundaries of our understanding, forcing us to confront mysteries we might never have considered in ordinary circumstances. For me, that journey led to a medium, a decision that has profoundly shaped my experience of loss and love after my partner Jane’s passing. Through the medium, I have not only felt Jane’s presence but have also received messages so specific, so unmistakably hers, that I cannot explain them away. And yet, when I share these experiences with others, I receive vastly different reactions. Some people listen with genuine curiosity, eager to know more. Others politely acknowledge my feelings but remain closed to the possibility that there is anything beyond coincidence at work. A few are visibly skeptical, their condescension barely concealed. Why is it that some people are willing to consider the unknown, while others dismiss it outright?

The Nature of Belief and Skepticism

Belief and skepticism exist on a spectrum, shaped by personal experience, cultural background, and cognitive disposition. Some people, when confronted with new and extraordinary information, are able to entertain multiple possibilities at once. They hold an attitude of epistemic humility, an awareness that human knowledge is incomplete and that the world may contain more than we currently understand. Others, however, are what my therapist (who is also a medium) describes as concrete thinkers, people who require tangible, measurable proof before they will even entertain the possibility of something beyond the material world.

Concrete thinkers often adhere strictly to the scientific method, dismissing anything that does not fit neatly within its framework. If an experience cannot be measured, replicated, or logically explained, they assume it must be false. This rigidity is not necessarily a flaw; in many ways, it is a psychological defense mechanism. The world is full of uncertainty, and for some, the idea that reality could contain forces beyond human understanding is unsettling. Accepting the possibility of an afterlife or spiritual communication would require them to rewrite their entire worldview, which is a daunting and even terrifying prospect.

Personal Experience as the Great Convincer

One of the most fascinating aspects of belief is how much it is shaped by direct experience. I was not someone who always believed in mediums. But then I heard the story of Jane’s former therapist, Glory. She had lost her husband and, in her grief, sought out a medium. In a session, the medium relayed a shocking piece of information: her mother was present and wanted her to know that she had the “wrong” father.This revelation led Glory down an unexpected path, eventually confirming, through DNA testing and Ancestry.com, that she had a half-brother in Arizona. Her biological father was a WWII flying ace who had fathered children with two different women within months of each other. This was an irrefutable, verifiable fact, delivered to her by someone who had no conceivable way of knowing it.

This story changed something in me. It opened the door to the possibility that there are people, certain rare individuals, who have access to knowledge beyond the ordinary. And once that door was open, my own experiences with Jane through the medium became impossible to dismiss.

One of my most striking experiences was when I arrived at a session wearing a black sweater, one much in the style of my usual clothing. But this was no ordinary sweater, it was the first time I had worn a piece of Jane’s clothing. I asked, “Jane, do you notice anything?” and through the medium, Jane immediately responded, “You are wearing my sweater!” That moment stunned me. It was private, deeply personal knowledge, something only Jane and I could have known.

I tell stories like this because I want people to see what I see, to feel what I feel. And yet, I have come to accept that for some, no number of examples will ever be enough.

Why Some Minds Are Open and Others Are Closed

There is a psychological principle called confirmation bias, which suggests that people tend to interpret new information in ways that confirm their preexisting beliefs. If someone already believes that mediums are frauds, they will look for ways to explain away even the most compelling stories. They might say, “You must have unconsciously signaled that you were wearing Jane’s sweater”, or, “The medium made a lucky guess.” Their minds will twist the facts to fit their worldview because accepting an alternative would require a fundamental shift in how they see reality.

On the other hand, those who are open to the unknown may possess what psychologists call cognitive flexibility, the ability to adapt one’s beliefs in the face of new evidence. These individuals are willing to live in a state of uncertainty, acknowledging that not everything can be explained by current scientific understanding. My friend, who was originally skeptical, eventually came to believe in the reality of my experiences after hearing enough evidence. Some people, when confronted with enough personal and compelling testimony, reach a tipping point where their rigid skepticism begins to soften.

The Emotional Dimension of Belief

There is also an emotional component to belief. For those of us who have lost someone dear, the idea that they are still with us, still aware, still loving, is profoundly comforting. It does not feel like wishful thinking; it feels like truth. I have felt Jane’ presence in ways I cannot explain, and I know that I am not simply imagining her. But for those who have not had similar experiences, it may be easier to dismiss such things as the workings of a grieving mind. They may fear that believing in something beyond the physical world makes them vulnerable to false hope or deception.

And yet, I return to the question: Why does it bother them so much? If they cannot accept that mediums are real, why do they feel the need to subtly mock or dismiss those of us who do? Perhaps it is because our belief challenges their certainty. In their rigid framework, the world operates according to strict, material laws. If even one thing outside that framework is real, if even one message from beyond can be verified, then their entire structure of understanding begins to shake.

Conclusion: Holding Space for Mystery

I no longer feel the need to convince anyone of what I have experienced. I share my stories because they are part of my truth, and for those who are willing to listen, they may open a door to something they had never considered before. But for those who remain unmoved, I no longer waste my breath. I know what I have seen, what I have felt, and what I have heard. And most of all, I know that Jane is still with me.

In the end, I have come to believe that the world is far more mysterious than we often allow ourselves to admit. Some will always cling to certainty, to the safety of what can be measured and proven. Others, like me, have learned to embrace the unknown, to sit with the mysteries, and to find comfort in the possibility that love does not end with death.